- The Foibles of Abba, by Joseph Berger and Alan Finder. Newsday. August 11, 1982
- Covenant of Shoresh Yishai
- Cult Plans for Doomsday Compound
- Letter from Jack and cult fathers to American Lutheran Church
- Charismatics Alive and Well on L.I. The New York Times. 12/14/1975
- "Onward (Hebrew) Christian Soliders, they're out to grab your kids." by A. James and Marcia R. Rudin. Magazine of World Jewish Affairs. Summer 1977 4(4).
- An Adventure with Jesus. By Marcia R. Rudin Present Tense, the Magazine of World Jewish Affairs. Summer 1977, Vol 4 (4).
- Bibliography of other Cult-related media attention
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Foibles of Abba: yes, I still can't believe I was in a cult.
On January 14th of this year, one of my very best friends said, Dude. Remember when our parents wouldn't let us talk about that article that was posted about our "family" in 1982? Well I found it, and I think for your sanity, and for the sanity of your new family, and for the need to rid your life of guilt, you need to read this article! So stupidly, without thinking about the life shattering consequences, I read it. And my life will never be the same.
Before I delve into a hysterical rambling of how one actually makes impossibly stupid things fit into their brain in order to believe them and why I feel like my life was stolen from me, let me say this: I'm not sorry for knowing the truth now. I am better for it. I mean, really better.
The truths of my life have been the perpetuated lies of a master manipulator, pedophile, and sociopath. Please read below to understand and you will see why I have been a little strange this winter. Well, stranger than normal.
I would like to highlight a couple of interesting facts that may explain why I might start doing things "out of character."
1) I am not jewish. That was the biggest lie. I will no longer be practicing any Jewish holidays forthwith. Please don't wish me a happy new year in the middle of September, and don't make me matzah anything. I will eat and make challah because I love bread and its delicious, but otherwise it's pretentious to continue to perpetuate a lie that pegs you as "God's chosen people" and I feel that I need to apologize to every real Jew out there right now! So Sorry.
2) I am actually part German (and that just explains SO much! lol) This is just one of many things my parents "left out" of my geneological history because they felt it didn't mash up with the "jewish" lie. I guess they've never really read the history of WWII.
3) I was severely damaged by my parents, my sister, "aunts," and uncles"( that weren't actually related), due to my family's involvement with this cult. This means that I'm not likely to be super trusting anymore. I was hurt by the people who were supposed to protect me and love me unconditionally. So that means I also won't be putting up with the normal piddly bullshit that my "friends" put me through because I just won't allow myself to be emotionally manipulated anymore. So if you find that I'm not talking to you as much anymore, it's not me, it's you. And you suck. Stop treating people shitty and start being truthful and honest and actually friendly, and maybe we can talk.
4) I will no longer speak to my parents or anyone willingly a part of what these people are still doing. I will not allow them any more access to my life, my mind, my family, or my decisions.
5) I am no longer speaking to my sisters, either of them, because they are willing to forgive my parents for this. For endangering us. I am not. It went on too long. And my parents are not sorry. They might say they are, but then suddenly, the truth comes out and you get told that you are "a radical" or "fucked up" (actual quotes of things said to Me and the older sister by my father) and really.... is that what parents say when they are trying to console you over the biggest issue you'll ever have to face in your life? No. That's what cowards say when they realize they are not willing to take responsibility for their actions.
6) This group is still active all over the country. I won't even say what they are doing now. Just stupid "the world is going end" religious nonsense.
7) I am borderline atheist now, but mostly totally agnostic, I have no idea what I think about the bible anymore, but Jesus was probably a cool guy, just don't expect me to drink his kool aid.
8) I may or may not be vegetarian anymore. I agree with it in terms of health, but hate the idea because it came from these people. Since finding out I've had some Maine Shrimp and some venison. Both were tasty.
9) I still can't believe how much of this garbage I actually believed.
10) Even reasonably intelligent people can be taken in by belonging to something special, in search of God. That makes people willing to search long and hard for God very dangerous, and people willing to be the trailblazers even scarier.
Please note, I didn't realize a lot of these things until I read the article below. It was horrible and earth shattering, and I had to face some real truths about my life and say, wow. I cannot and will not continue to live this way just because I always have, and I have spent the last 6 weeks taking my life back and figuring out what is true, and what was part of the lie. I think this process will take a long time, but I'm willing to work on it.
For the shock of a lifeline and more clarification on what the hell I'm talking about, please read below. This article was published in 1982 in the New York Daily News, 3 months after I was born. My parents did not read it, because they are sheep. They never questioned what was said in it or the validity of the statements because they are lazy followers who need other people to feel important and belong. Their pride and longing to be a part of something special overrode their responsibility as parents to question certain tactics and red flags of wrong doing.
They are no longer a part of this because they fell out of favor, and were not receiving the attention they felt they deserved and are now a part of a Wesleyan Church that has some scary similarities to what they had with the Abenseurs.
I encourage questions. I am not totally ashamed of this, partly ashamed though. I feel like I am too intelligent to have gone along with it so long. But, I just keep telling myself... it was all I knew. I was born into this method of thinking. I am all for breaking the mold, and I think I have, but did it have to take me so damn long? Stupid brainwashing.... I will be spending some quality time making my brain dirty again. ;) Thoughts, arguments, cartoons, and comics are all appreciated.